Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Conflict Resolution

Today Marcia Stone is goinf to present on this topic.
Marcia has years of experience working in advertising, on the "creative" side, and was the North American Creative Director for one of the world's leading advertising agencies. As she made her way up the ladder (winning national and international awards along the way, while working for some of the world's best known corporations), Marcia supervised the work of many hundreds of art directors and writers. In this role as director and supervisor and mentor to young creative types, and in recent years as an Instructor at the Herron School of Art and Design at IUPUI, she's come to realize the importance of what is known as "emotional intelligence."
From her hand outs;
the 12 keys to conflict resolution:

1. Become aware of your emotions. If a conflict happens, check in with your body. Keep breathing. What
emotion do you feel inside? Core emotions: mad, sad, glad, afraid, confused. Anything else is a judgment, not
an emotion.++
2. Count to 10. Are you able to clearly say what you need without the cloud of anger? Hold off reacting in the
moment, if needed. Instead, choose how you want to respond, and when.* Remember that you cannot
control what others will do. You can only control your response to it.*
3. Keep the end in sight. Do you want to have a good working relationship with this person? Do you need
to have one? If the answer is no, you may still need to get rid of the emotional baggage you may be carrying
in a healthy way. Consider a ‘stand-in clearing’, writing a note and destroying it, or just breathing out and
naming the baggage.#
4. Talk to the person it’s hardest to talk to. Try to clear the situation up with them first. Going to the boss
is the last resort. Ask for support from your boss in a three-way conversation. Don’t triangulate.++
5. First seek to understand. Then seek to be understood. If the other person is upset, first validate their
feelings by saying, “It sounds like you are angry.” or “I can understand how you might feel that way.” Then ask
questions to help you both understand the situation better. Consider various perspectives. #
6. Find common ground. Are there some points of agreement upon which you both can start to form an
answer to the situation? Negotiation and compromise are often part of conflict resolution.+
7. Clear things up as soon as you can. Can you look the other person in the eye or is there something
standing between you? Ask for what you need in a way that others can hear without feeling threatened.
First ask permission to clear things up. Then use the PIN clearing model: physical data, intellectual story, and
need. Do ask for what you need to feel clear with this person. Give each person a chance to clear, one at a
time, while the other person repeats back what they heard.++
8. Keep it work related. How does the situation affect the work, the team, or your working relationship?
Don’t get into personal attacks or discuss situations beyond those related to work.
9. Be clear and specific if you need to communication information. Ask for confirmation that others heard
your meaning. Repeat back what you heard when receiving information by saying, “So what I heard you say
is...” If the meaning isn’t correct, correct your meaning courteously.+
10. Offer choices when possible. This gives others more of a sense of control over their own situation.
Invite them to consider the options. Then respect their choice.++
11. Create healthy boundaries. Before working together, decide upon clear roles and responsibilities, how
decisions will be made and how the team will work together. Assign a leader. Be honest and assess the team
as you go. Make changes as needed for the good of the team.
12. Earn trust. Be an accountable member of the team. Concentrate on your own contribution. Do what you
say you are going to do. If you need help, ask for it. And respect the expertise of your team members. If you
don’t, expect others to clear with you. The energy you put into the team will come back to you.
marcia stone ms6@iupui.edu 􀀁 􀀁 educating emotionally intelligent designers
􀀁 the 12 keys to conflict resolution
* In his book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman says that IQ is less important than EI (Emotional Intelligence).
Those who are Emotionally Intelligent can recognize and control their own emotions and, as a result, live happier, more
successful personal and work lives.C
reating an emotionally intelligent work environment Conflicts between people, not the work, are usually the biggest problems for designers. Teams fail, business is lost, and employees leave organizations or are asked to leave as a result of these conflicts.Before you start to work together,agree upon how you’ll work together;Roles and responsibilities,Expertise areas,Levels of delegation,,Decision making processes,Meetings, Physical closeness; beware a team of isolated individuals,Schedule,Conflict resolution
Accountability,communicate,Clear,,Honest,,Timely,,Respectful,,Listen to each other,stay together thru the stages of the creative process,Creative people tend to be goal or deadline oriented; may jump to execution, Creative people tend to want to spend most time in process in their comfort zone,Diverging (considering many options),Deferring Judgment during Divergence.
Converging: (making decisions)
use feedback strategically
􀀂 360º review process at regular intervals 􀀂 􀀂
􀀁 Have good successes: celebrate what we did right
􀀁 Have good failures: learn how to improve outcomes
pin conflict resolution model

Ask the person(s) with whom you have a conflict if they are available for to clear something up
with you. For instance, “I have something to clear up with you and I wonder if you are in a
place to hear me.” If the other person is available, continue. If not, ask if the person would be
available to schedule your discussion for another time.
repeat back
During the conflict resolution, pause and allow the other person to repeat back to you what
you are saying at each stage to make sure you are being heard. Be prepared to listen and be
heard, using active listening skills, making sure that you understand the other person’s
perspective accurately and fully.
p (physical data)
State the specific behavior or events you saw or heard. Be objective and non-judgmental.
Do not include judgment or conclusions. Only what you actually saw or heard. State the
consequence(s) of the person’s behavior in terms of results or relationships or both.
i (intellectual story)
State the story you make up about this behavior or event. For example, “I think you don’t
accept me as part of the team.” “I feel you want all the credit…” or “I think you don’t want any
of our ideas to be successful…” These are your own judgments on the situation, based on
your personal frame of reference. You are sharing this information so the other person has a
clearer understanding of how you view the world and your work together.
Then state the consequence of this behavior. For instance, “When you show up late
(behavior), the group gets started late (consequence).”
n (need)
State what you would like the person to do in specific, measurable behavior. Don’t make the
person guess. Allow your statement to reflect an underlying attitude of acceptance, respect,
and a desire to reach an understanding in order to be non-threatening to the other person.
0. Are you available for me to clear something up with you?
1. I saw/heard you (physical data)
2. and how I try to make sense of that is that I think (intellectual story)
and how this affects our working relationship for me is (consequence(s))
5. and what I need/would like is (need).
Is that something you can do?
turn it around
In turn, once you have cleared up what you needed, the other person(s) may then ask you if
you are available to have something cleared up with them, if needed.

a conflict I want to clear up at work
p (physical data)
i (intellectual story)
n (need)
Steven R. Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Free Press, 1990.
John Field, The Strategic Listening Model: skills and strategies toward a new methodology for
listening, Bates USA workshop, New York, 1999.
Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence:why it can matter more than IQ, Bantam, 1997.
Marcia Stone, The Creative Director Survival Guide, http://www.cafepress.com/
cdsurvivalguide, 2005.
Charlene Tosi, Tosi and Associates, The Woman Within Training Weekend, Woman Within
International, www.womanwithin.org, 1992.
marcia stone ms6@iupui.edu 􀀁 􀀁 educating emotionally intelligent designers

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